Investing in Others Begins with an Investment in…Self

Yesterday's Collective Contribution LIVE conversation was supposed to be about investing in others. And on a panel filled with people who have not only invested in me, but make a point of investing in others often (and so, have a lot of practice), we spent an awful lot of time talking about ourselves.

What started with a pretty straightforward question:

What distracts us from investing in other people?

Almost immediately turned inward. Because the thing that seems to stop us most from investing in other people...

IS US.

Each of us. Individually. Dealing with our own relationships with trust, fear, worthiness, authenticity, confidence, capacity, and boundaries. Understanding the stories we tell ourselves, and whether or not we belong to ourselves.

And at the end of it all, I found myself wondering...

Are we ever really investing in others without ALSO investing in ourselves?

Or, perhaps more importantly:

Can we meaningfully invest in others WITHOUT investing in ourselves?

So, I thought I would dive into it with this article. Let's go :)

Exploration #1: Selfish vs. Generous

I think we have some interesting stories attached to investments in others vs ourselves. And they seem to be rooted in what is good vs what is bad.

"Investing in others" sounds GOOD. It's generous. Community-minded. Maybe even selfless. The concept of a servant leader comes to mind.

"Investing in yourself" can sound...well...selfish. Especially when resources are limited.

Let's use TIME as an example 😉

An hour spent mentoring someone else? That's generous.

An hour spent learning something just because you're curious about it? We judge and wonder what else we could you have done that was more productive.

Or how about MONEY.

Donate $1000 to a local charity? Generous.

Pay $1,000 to attend something that might help YOU grow? We ask, do we REALLY need it?

It's in our practice all over the place. Generous is good and Selfish is bad. So, I'll invest my money and time in things that are generous, and THAT will make me "good".

Of course, I have NO idea whether it will improve my overall situation, or increase my ability to contribute MORE time and/or money in the future. But since it fits nicely into the GENEROUS = GOOD category today, we'll just go with it.

Which brings us to Exploration #2...

Exploration #2: Good vs. Bad

There's an old Chinese story about a farmer and his horse that I LOVE for conversations like this. The story goes something like this...

A farmer's horse runs away. His neighbours come over and say, "That's bad!"

The farmer responds, essentially, "Who is to say what is good and what is bad."

Then the horse comes back. And it brings another horse with it! The neighbours celebrate his good fortune. Again, the farmer says, "Who is to say what is good and what is bad."

Later, the farmer's son is riding one of the horses, falls, and breaks his leg. BAD.

Then the army comes through the village looking for young men to go to war. The farmer's son can't go because of his broken leg. GOOD!

You get the idea.

The story comes from the ancient Chinese text Huainanzi, and while there are different versions of it floating around, the idea is essentially the same:

We don't actually know enough about what happens NEXT to accurately categorize what is happening NOW as Good or Bad.

Ooooooh.

So let's bring that back to investing in ourselves.

I spend $1,000 on an event and don't get a single client. Many of us would deem that a BAD investment, right? Because there's no immediate ROI.

Perhaps. Except then someone I met there introduces me to someone else six months later, and they become a client. Do we now move that into the GOOD column?

As we all know, things just don't work that way; that linearly.

So, the problem isn't about just switching the category—aka, moving "investing in myself" into the GOOD column—it's that we're assigning them "right" and "wrong". Good and Bad.

But what if we didn't?

Exploration #3: Labels vs No Labels

Here's the thing about labels; they're all based on the information we have RIGHT NOW.

And right now is only one tiny moment in the story.

Which makes our obsession with ROI on investments in ourselves (or anything really) particularly interesting. We want to know: Will this make me more money? Will I get a client? Will this make me better at my job? Will this connection go somewhere? Will this be "worth it"?

And we just CAN'T know the answer.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating for randomly throwing your money and time at everything because MAYBE it will turn into something someday. Resources are real. Capacity is real. Choices are real.

But perhaps ROI isn't actually knowable at the moment we make the investment. And adding another layer is that I have NO idea—today—how an investment in myself will impact SOMEONE ELSE in the future.

Bringing It Back To The Collective

Let's try on an order of operations on this one (welcome back to the Math).

First, I decide NOT to spend $100 on a ticket to a networking lunch because I could spend that money on something “more productive.” Let's say, for simplicity's sake, I just save it for later. What did that decision cost me? $0? Maybe.

Because I also didn't meet any of the people in that room. They didn't experience my energy. I didn't hear someone speak about something I'm equally passionate about. Maybe there was a person there who would have changed the trajectory of Think Big, DO BIGGER. Or maybe I would have eaten a mediocre sandwich, had three boring conversations, and gone home $100 poorer. 🤣

I DON'T KNOW.

And that's the point.

At the end of the day, we are not separate from the collective. We are INPUTS.

Every experience I have. Every relationship I build. Every skill I develop. Every experiment I try. Every mistake I make. Every weird rabbit hole I disappear down simply because I'm curious about it (that last one happens to me A LOT).

All of those things change what I have available to contribute. And all of those things from different people change what I have available to contribute too.

Which means maybe we need a different question.

Instead of: Is this a Good investment or a Bad investment?

What if we asked: What might this investment make possible?

For me. For someone else. For the collective.

And maybe, just maybe, we don't need to know the answer yet.

A New Intention: Optimizing for Possibility

Now, I run with a crew of people known for their abilities to optimize possibility. And a key component is a new core belief:

My investments (in myself and others) make more possible.

Ooh, I feel it. In my bones 💖

A commitment like this not only turns on the explorations above, but it turns on one other important thing...

The Dodge Caravan Phenomenon.

I'm sure I've written about it before (and I'm sure it has a more technical name), but it's what happens when you decide to look for Dodge Caravans, and suddenly you see ALL the Dodge Caravans.

In short, you find what you're looking for.

And if I've already decided that my investments—including the ones in myself—can create possibilities, guess what I'm going to start LOOKING for? Possibilities. ✨

Which means I'm a whole lot more likely to notice them when they show up.

Maybe That's Why We Kept Talking About Ourselves...

Maybe yesterday's conversation didn't actually drift away from investing in others. Maybe we just went upstream.

Because my beliefs directly contribute to how I invest—in others AND in myself.

My experiences change what I have to offer. My relationships change who I can connect. My learning changes the ideas I can contribute. My experiments change what I know. My confidence changes which rooms I'm willing to walk into. My capacity changes how much of myself I can bring when I get there.

Which means investing in myself isn't SEPARATE from investing in others.

It's part of the infrastructure that makes investing in others possible.

Yup! New hypothesis folks!

Self-investment is actually a component of the Collective Contribution infrastructure.

And THAT changes the story.

Because now, investing $1,000 in ourselves isn't necessarily selfish. And giving $1,000 away isn't necessarily generous. Neither is GOOD. And neither is BAD.

They're both investments into a complex system whose outcomes we can't possibly see yet.

So perhaps my job isn't to perfectly predict the ROI.

Perhaps my job is to be intentional about what I'm putting INTO the system...

Pay attention to what becomes possible because of it...

And then bring whatever I learn, build, experience, discover, or become back into the collective.

Because the more I invest in expanding what I have available to contribute, the more possibility I bring with me. For me. For others. For the collective.

And who is to say where one investment ends and the next begins? 💖